As a male bisexual I have dated very fluidly in my twenties, then was in a few long term opposite sex relationships. But then I chose to not date at all and sort out my codependency issues.
During the period of not dating, I got so much weird harassment from gays and lesbians that I am now committed to doing what I can do get bisexuals accepted.
In grad school a lesbian came into my place of employment and demanded I “come out as gay” and then for two years I heard say “which is it” repeatedly. A gay student did similar taunting; a gay teacher asking my orientation replied “Oh, you’re one of those.”
Another gay teacher wanted me to come out as gay. And the head of the department (a lesbian) responded to my bi identity by saying “we really don’t need labels”, but she has one, and the gay and straight students had one.
And then a year later a gay director told me it was impossible for me to be bisexual; in his words “I was straight and fucking around” or “gay and in the closet”. I can go on and on and on.
Since then my dating has been a bit weird too, as I realized via online dating that straight women won’t touch me, most gay men have hang ups, and that has left only a few dates (obviously Woody Allen was wrong).
I dated a Straight women for a year who was paranoid if I stood next to a man; we broke up – but she did make an effort to understand. Then a gay man, very sweet and supportive, but he also thought I had “heteroprivilege”. Yes, I do come across as very straight, so he is right, but the moment I say who I am that privileged disappears quickly (we are still friends).
Finally I dated and am still dating a woman who has been as fluid in her dating as I have been. Yeah!!! But what the hell is up? Why do I get worse treatment in the gay community than the straight community?
What’s up? And why do academic papers say male bisexuality is less fluid than female bisexuality? And why did I not exist up til a few days ago?
Man. This is something that perplexes and infuriates me everyday as a bisexual woman. Just the other day I was talking to a co-worker and we were discussing how one of his friends recently lost his “bottom virginity,” as it were, and liked it; even though he had only had heterosexual relationships before that. My co-worker went on to say that this made his friend gay now. I said that you could still call him bisexual, but my co-worker insisted that since he “took it up the ass” that made him gay.
I feel that male bisexuals have it harder than female bisexuals. Female bisexuality seems to be more accepted in the world now than male bisexuality. Even if we all still seem to be seen as sexually “greedy,” or as sluts. I was talking with a different acquaintance when one of them exclaimed, “Bisexuality isn’t even a thing!” to which I replied, “I’m bisexual.” Then she answered back, “Okay, women can be bisexual, but men can’t.” If I had known this acquaintance better, I might’ve gone off on a tirade, but as it was, I just bit my tongue. I’ve had a few male bisexual friends in my life, and they all seem as attracted to both genders as I am.
The notion of bisexuality not even being real haunted me as a teenager. When I started realizing that I was looking at girls the same way that I look at boys I originally thought, “Am I a lesbian? I must be if bisexuality isn’t a ‘true’ sexuality.” However, I couldn’t be a lesbian because I still found boys attractive. Then I started to look at all the guys I’d ever had a crush on and how all of them had something feminine about them (however slight) and continued to think, “Yes, I must be a lesbian.” Then, because I’m Catholic, I tried to stifle that side of me, and for a while I decided that I was straight but could appreciate the beauty of women—like most girls do, or so I thought. It wasn’t until college when one of my straight female friends revealed to me that she had never been attracted to another girl, had never even thought of kissing another girl, that I realized that my “appreciation” was attraction. At that point I once again thought I was a lesbian. It wasn’t till a year after that that I came to terms with my bisexuality. Having a roommate who accepted bisexuality as a true sexuality definitely helped. She was the first person that I came out to, partially accidentally, but she fully accepted me as bisexual right away. Even before I did.
So if I ever have children of my own, I hope that they will grow up in a world that accepts bisexuality, and will be able to step into whatever identity they are born with minus all the confusion I had to suffer through.